Monetize Google

My photo doesn't really come out as clearly as I'd like for this post, but if you LOOK CAREFULLY... This is on my blog Hotness Monster which when "monetized" which really means when you let google advertise, they place adds on your site akin to your topics of interest.

When I scrolled down the site this morning I saw to my amusement, the advertisement was for "The Loch Ness Monster" Discover the Truth Behind Legendary Monsters on the History Channel.

Ex co-worker Bromance?

I don't think "bromance" is quite right... "sat next to you at work & constantly made fun of you to your face - mance" perhaps?

Click Here for the backstory. A funny thing has developed at my old job, E's friendship-lousy (replace the friendship with a jea) of my relationship with L has provided endless hours of amusement for all.

Sample conversation:

E to L: Do you even know Niki? How many times have you met her? Two times, one time?
L to E: Are you serious? Are you really being serious?
E to L: Yes
L to E: You're a jerk. You really are an unpleasant person.

Now a couple things to keep in mind. 1. E, not a girl. 2. E introduced me to L, so you think the friendship-lousy would be aimed at me for stealing L away from E. 3. E is a self described argumentative, unhelpful, bullheaded teddy bear.

So E's friendship-lousy has gotten the better of him, as L and I just started taking Hippity Hop classes yesterday & determined to not be outdone, he's "strongly considering" joining our class as well.

This story (& hopefully photos) is very much To Be Continued...

Ex-coworker Backstory...

In re-reading my Bromance post, I realized that some back story would probably be helpful...

I used to work at a lovely little talent agency, full of Agent's Assistants. In one of the most competitive environments in this dog-eat-dog world of Hollywood, it's very hard to separate your friends from your foes & even harder as many of your friends could quickly switch on the drop of a dime pending their own careers and success.

So when E, the seemingly typical arrogant asshole assistant was moved next to me, I was worried not only that my head was going to be filled with useless information, I was going to have to watch my back. What I didn't expect was to actually find a puppy in a sharks clothes.

I think the best way to describe E as a fairly good hearted person who's lost his internal monologue that tells him 90% of the things he says out loud are completely inappropriate. It's still hard for me to not befriend the guys that need social help.

When B & I surprised him on his birthday with balloons & cookies (which amusingly enough we'd done to piss him off) he was genuinely thankful & that cemented in his mind that we were most definitely his friends as well.

After I got my job @ Spyglass, the search for my replacement began. After pestering me for days that the new hire be a ridiculously sexy female so he'd have some major eye candy (again with the inappropriate) we ended up settling for his friend who'd just moved back from Colorado. If he couldn't have a potential date, he might as well have a friend, right?

L and I hit it off immediately. We had the same sense of humor, the same desire to gossip & most importantly the same work ethic which is how I knew to hire her. From our 3 days of training, and our countless hours gossiping I had another friend at ICM.

And yep, this set the stage for the Friend-lousy to begin!

Hippity Hop

My friend BBQ Cutlets is going through a post lack of having a Winter Boyfriend and is determined to fill up all of her free time to keep herself busy and distracted so she doesn't succumb to having a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. Although since she is a strong and independent female, not having a warm fireside buddy isn't a legit excuse. Below are hers...

As we all know, as we get older our braincells no longer re-generate and we continue to destroy our existing braincells with lack of sleep and excess alcohol - and we've definitely all seen each other partaking in the latter. the only solution is to re-awaken the other parts of your brain, aside from the 3% we normally use. in other words, go back to school!

So all dorky intro aside, I realized that from here on out, our lives will settle into a routine of work, tv, weekend drinks, work, tv, weekend drinks, etc etc. so i was thinking about what i could do that would be new and challenging, and punky mentioned a great suggestion! so i'm planning to take some continuing education classes at santa monica college, and i just wanted to see if anyone would be interested! if not - no prob - totally understand the desire to go home and crash after a hard day's work. but anyways i figured it's a new year, i'm bored with life, so i might as well try something new :)

I do have to say at least one good thing came of this! I get to cross one more thing off my list of 20 things to do before i turn 25! (I still have yet to ride a segway)

So my review of the class? Aside from our instructor looking and talking as if she's a hippie living in a commune, I actually had a lot more fun than I thought I would. Can I dance? No. Do I have rhythm? No. Am I flexible? Definitely No. Did moving around like a crazy person listening to Justin T relax me after a long day of work? Absolutely yes.

And next week when we add after dance class drinking to the equation, It will be even better!

Dictionary: Winter Boyfriend

Poached from DABA Girls:

“It must be nice in L.A. not having to worry about acquiring a winter girlfriend.”

Jim leans in closer, one eyebrow raised: “What’s a winter girlfriend?”

Me: “You know, someone to keep you warm during the cold winter months, when it’s too miserable to go outside.”

Megan: “But you have to get one by Thanksgiving, all the good ones are gone after that.”

Laughs all around.

Me: “Seriously though, it’s rough. I didn’t even find a winter boyfriend this season. I swear, no one in New York is dating right now.”

Love advice from a Taxi Driver in Hollywood at 1AM in the morning...

"Don't hit and run. Last Valentines Day I saw a lot of girls who were heartbroken... they were all crying in my car, 24 and they're expecting boys to propose to them!"

* Note: Yes he did say "Don't hit and run" because I wrote it down in my wobbly blackberry note taking.

Saturday night was perhaps the most organized drunk night I've ever had. Having the option of an abundance of parties all falling on the same night, we formulated a gameplan to hit the best locations in an orderly manner.

We promptly started the party hopping at 10PM @ Green Door, with all the agency boys. (Since of course out with the single ladies, nights do revolve around the boys.) While there we put the Hotness Monster to the test, the D-List Celebrity sighting of the night.

Me: "So my girlfriends and I started this new blog, the Hotness Monster, where we're out about town trying to locate the hottest guys in the city. Can we take your photog for our site?"
Millionaire Playboy: Surrounded by his bevy of Gold Digging Hotties "What? Are you for real?"
Me: "Absolutely, you can look us up at hotnessmonster.blogspot.com" (As I thankfully had registered the site hours before in a moment of inspiration)
Millionaire Playboy: Flattered "That's nice, But No."

REJECTED. Oh well, it was good for a laugh. Mr. Murad sorry, but no you're not really a Hotness Monster, we just wanted to snap a pict so we could laugh about it later.

Second up, Bardot for Industry night with what I call the "Industry" FBF's in training. They quite held up to the impression, I almost forgot I was in LA, transported back to the good 'ole days of barhopping in Murry Hill.

Third we went to Le Scorpion which weirdly smelled like an old mop mixed with homeless person skank, and thankful was whisked away to Element to dance off the last of our calories from our gin & tonics at we marvled that we'd made it to 4 Hollywood spots in one night.

Why I maintain my dislike for stupid people.

"Of course, there are those who do feel invincible, like Eric Williams, who is 24, unemployed and currently in the middle of a six-week snowboarding adventure in Wyoming, Montana, Colorado, Utah, BC and California. Mr. Williams said by cellphone near Bozeman, Mont., that he looked into buying health insurance before he left, but abandoned the idea after being unable to find anything for less than $400 a month."

This is a quote from the recent NY Times Article For The Uninsured Young Adults, Do-It-Yourself Health Care.

Now there is a part of me who can sympathize with the hardships of living in NYC, on laughable paychecks, trying to find a way to pay rent, afford food and find the spare change for Medical Coverage. That said... most of the people in this article sound like lunatics for NOT having medical coverage. Puhleese, if you're having asthma attacks that are landing you in the hospital at $3000 a pop, let's think about that math. $3000 x 4 cases... $12,000? That's about 3 years of Medical coverage PLUS the added benefit of peace of mind.

Not to mention all these costly days in the hospital are days you're NOT working as well.

But seriously, Eric Williams?! If you can pay for a 6 week snowboarding adventure... I think you most certainly can afford health insurance. You disgust me.

* Addendum: To the NYU "Revolutionaries" you are the exact kind of people that made me dislike going to that school. Your demands? Really? Demands?

• Amnesty for all parties involved. (No. You are disruptive, disrespectful and deserve to be expelled)
  
• Full compensation for all employees whose jobs were disrupted during the course of the occupation. (That's nice, you're WASTING everyone's time AND causing undue expenses)
  
• Public release of NYU’s annual budget and endowment. (You attend a PRIVATE University. What don't you understand?)
  
• Allow student workers (including T.A.’s) to collectively bargain. (I believe T.A.'s have had a strike before. That NYU negotiated with. Student workers are PAYING for their education with assisted job placement from the university.)
  
• A fair labor contract for all NYU employees at home and abroad. (Again, I think this is up to the NYU employees to ask for, not you.)
  
• A Socially Responsible Finance Committee that will immediately investigate war profiteers and the lifting of the Coke ban. (What? Again, Really?)
  
• Annual scholarships be provided for thirteen Palestinian students. (Way to segragate)
  
• That the university donates all excess supplies and materials in an effort to rebuild the University of Gaza. (Why?)
  
• Tuition stabilization for all students, beginning with the class of 2012. Tuition rates for each successive year will not exceed the rate of inflation. The university shall meet 100% of government-calculated student financial need. (Go to another school if you're financially so unsound.)
  
• That student groups have priority when reserving space in the buildings owned or leased by New York University, including, and especially, the Kimmel Center. (NYU while a school is ALSO a business. Why are you people so retarded?)
  
• That the general public have access to Bobst Library. (PART of your tuition is having private access to these facilities. NY Public Library? Ever heard of it? )
  

Brand Spanking New Blog... The Hotness Monster

Please visit my newest blog!!

The Hotness Monster - noun. A cute play off of the "Lochness monster". A hotness monster is a man or woman who is sizzling and near unattainable. (Origin: Ottawa, Canada)

How we define The Hotness Monster - a guy or girl who you spot across a crowded room, yet the stars do NOT align, names and numbers are not exchanged, and your hotness monster remains out there, a mystery to solve.

Who knows? Crazier things have happened...

Is it fate? Is it connectivity? We want to share our own Hotness Monster stories and photos with you, and if you have a Hotness Monster you would like to share, please email us with a photo, date, time and location, with a brief description of both your hotness monster and yourself.

Email: bloghotnessmonster@gmail.com

Lingo poached from the hit ABC Family TV Show GREEK.

School for Scumbags

I just wanted to give a shout-out two two fellow NYU (& HW) alumns... Aaron Rapke & Stew Kaye hot new scribes tapped to adapt "School for Scumbags."

If you can't understand the Variety Lingo... take a lesson from the Hollywood A-S-S-T (I know, I know this video has been making it's rounds, but this is also my own collection of funny things so they're conveniently available.)

So who's the "Samantha" of the group?

Sex And The City may be the single guy's best friend. I remember when SATC opened, the guys at my office were whining and groaning about how much they hated the movie, and everyone ever involved with it. After about an hour of listening to my neighbor bitterly complain how SATC was ruining his weekend I retorted, what is wrong with you? Don't you see? Tonight might just be your fortuitous night! He looks at me with questioning eyes. What do you think is happening tonight? Every single girl in the city, is going to get together with all their other single girlfriends, watch this movie, then go out en masse, get wasted on Cosmo's and hope to god they find their Mr. Big.

Every bar within a 10 block radius of the major theaters is going to be packed with single, drunk, horny and desperate girls.

This brings me to the proper usage of SATC in the world of pick-up artistry. It's guaranteed that 90% of girls at bars have watched at least 1 if not many episodes of SATC. It's also fairly certain that within each group of girls you'd find hanging out at a bar that each one of them personally relates themself to one of our leading ladies.

You have the perfect set-opener. "So who's the Samantha of the group?" Not only will this show your self-confidence at being able to admit that you actually watch, and perhaps like SATC... you will also immediately figure out who the slut of the group is, and can make your next decisions accordingly.

In case you need a quick re-cap to the main characters and plotline of the show... I'll send you to the Wiki Page so you don't have to suffer through the pink and glitter effects associated with most SATC websites.

Sex And The City Characters

Oh how we love things with eyes.

Poached from WNYC's Amy Sedaris Craft Challenge

How my boyfriend won the Valentine's Competition...

We claim we don't care what our boyfriends did for us for Valentine's day, as long as there were at least flowers, or chocolates involved, and we let them get away with murder as long as they put at least one ounce of preemptive thought into that special day.

We drop hints constantly, leave cut-outs of jewelry we like, or reviews of new restaurants we'd like to try... but boys will be dense.

Girl's, hoping that their show of overwhelming love will guilt trip their guys into McDreamy status, over-hype and are often disappointed by this holiday, having fallen into the New Years trap of ridiculous expectations.

Not this year my friends. This year, my boyfriend exceeded my every expectation. He was McSteamy with a guitar, and I have to say having love ballads belted out by your nervous boyfriend is probably the best gift one could ever get.

It even beat the caviar blini's I drove around town to scrounge up for him.

Pancakes

The #1 most useful thing a guy should learn before heading off to college, Pancakes.

Pancakes are perhaps one of the easiest things to mastery & will guaranteed add 10 points to any guys first impression score. Pancakes seem to represent everything a girl wishes and hopes her perfect college boyfriend to posses... He cooks, he cleans, he wakes up, he's sweet, he's thoughtful, he cares about me & of course pancakes mean he won't be a sketchy asshole who will use you and leave you.

Now here's the trick. To the guy, it's the perfect pick up... a girl will be 90% more likely to want to "spend the night" with the promise of warm fluffy goodness (added chocolate chips always help as they are the girl's best friend) and the thought that this guy could be "the one" will make her much more malleable and open to the idea of putting out on the first night.

After you've delivered said pancakes, you've opened the window of possibilities to go two ways. You could be that self-centered jerk who never calls, but at least you've given that freshman girl one amazing story to brag about to her friends back home. Or if you really do like her, and depending on the grease factor of your pancakes, I'm sure she would be more than welcoming a second date.

Happy Valentine's Day!

[me] & goji

This is something I sooo want to try! Doesn't it look super yum? I never made it to Cereality at Penn, but maybe this will bring back vivid memories of drunken stupors after a night at Blarney's looking for the mystical cereal place I never did find.


[me] & goji is an artisan "design your own cereal" online entity that lets you stuff your granola or "samurai wheat" with as many healthy californians (nuts and fruits) as you want, then will ship it to you in adorable tins. They even give you the option to have a carbon-negative delivery for a $1 extra.

He's Just Not That Into You...

I know I know, pretty much every 20-something girl will have blogged about this before the end of the weekend. But ASIDE from it being amazing, at the wrap session dinner after the opening night screening, P asked a very valid question. Like you do with every movie / show that relates a group of characters a la "Who's the Samantha of our group" the same can be applied to the characters in HJNTIY. (Yes I'm still trying to make that acronym work.)

So I leave it to you... which character are you the most like?

Neil - The person who's happily in a state of inertia not wanting to upset the seemingly perfect balance they've created for their self by going against the idea of marriage? The anarchists of love.

Beth - The person they're Just Not Marrying? We know them, the ones who have been stuck in century long relationships, who try yet fail miserably to convince everyone around them that they're happy, and generally these are the same ones who like to give the ultimatum.

Mary - This is my friend P. Someone who has fully embraced, yet still doesn't quite understand the role technology plays and will play in the future of dating and relationships.

Janine - The girl who's been cheated on. The one who's rattled with deserved mistrust and who is brave enough to soldier on themselves. Once a liar, always a liar, she know's when it's time to kick them to the curb.

Conor - The bubble boy (or person.) This is the best friend, the confidant, the Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. If you're stuck in this position, sucks to be you. And no, you're not going to be the exception.

Ben - The have my cake and eat it too, but when I'm fat and ugly no one will want me anymore. You can't have both pretty girls, and since choosing one seems to big a decision, enjoy your happily un-after.

Gigi - The dreamer. The one who still clings to the hope that one day she will find her prince charming and live happily ever after. Lucky for her, she's the exception to the rule, but most people still probably fall under this catagory.

Anna - The wants what she can't have. The somewhat emotionally damaged person who puts themselves in an impossible relationship so they don't have to deal with the reality of having a serious one.

Alex - The relationship stunted always have a shield to protect you, until that one person, the chink in your armor, brings the whole castle tumbling down. This... this is me. And S, was my exception.

oh and one more, just for M...

Kelli Ann - The I'm in love with someone who I know can't love me back. Or the I'm in love with my boss syndrome...

A hint of color, a hint of sexy...

This has been my new little obession, guys who wear colorful preppy socks with their suits and nice slacks. When the well dressed sits down and kicks his legs up, revealing the slightly silly Maroon & Taupe striped socks, or the Aqua Argyle it really says something about him.

1. This is a man who has his act together enough to have matching socks.
2. He is either extremely comfortable with his sexuality (thus leading to a better bedroom romp) or he's gay. Either way you've found a new soul mate.
3. C'mon he's already wearing a suit, he gets 10 extra points.
4. I see confidence. Confidence is hot.

So don't be afraid to don those warm colored striped dress socks that have been hiding in the back of your drawer for months... Own it.

Have you met my friend TADS

"Let's just be friends" the Zagat way

Just in time for V-Day, Zagat released it's newest guide to life: Los Angeles Dating (& Dumping) Guide As if there weren't enough self-help books clogging Borders, this one comes complete with Neilson-esq percentages. My favorite one (& totally true by the way) "Angelenos (25 percent) are twice as likely to "'do lunch" as New Yorkers (11 percent)."

In addition to restaurant and bar reviews, the guide also includes sections on hot spots for planning the perfect break-up. Although most likely, if that person put half as much effort into breaking up, as he (or she) did in the relationship, they'd probably still be together. I wonder what qualifies as a good break-up joint. You'd obviously want somewhere loud enough that nearby patrons aren't going to overhear your now ex's string of explatives, but also someplace not too noisy so she doesn't mistake your "Let's be friends" for "Let's get married."

Another reviewer noted that having hot waitresses around would probably up the break-up potential so you could flit onto your next relationship without much travel. I wonder if their follow up will be DABA Girls: Guide to finding a Rich Husband.

Zagat's Description:
From "be mine" to "let's just be friends," selecting the right place for a date makes all the difference. Use this brand-new guide to explore more than 250 of the hottest restaurants and nightspots in LA - favorite dating destinations and ideal break-up spots. Also included: dating deal-breakers, pick-up do's and don't-evers and results of our first-ever dating survey.

Sharky Tea Infuser

designer's own words:

INFUSION means to extract certain properties froman soluble ingredient such as tea leaves , herbs or fruit by soaking in liquid (water) until it gets saturated. So we can say that a infuser is the in charged of make this happen. This is a ludic point of view about the color given off from the phenomenon, wich makes more interesting the waiting of the whole process.

Sharky Tea Infuser

A day late to the craze: Bacon Vodka

Reading up on some of my favs, I stumbled across this on Brownie Points, Bacon Vodka. While not an avid bacon lover, I do see the appeal. My favorite quote on it "Well I would have to say reminds me of drinking vodka martinis all night long and then ending up at some greasy spoon and ordering the bacon with your breakfast."

Not the worst review. And easy enough for me to want to try at home. I think what I like the best is the idea of small kits of vodka tasters... now that's a birthday gift you can really enjoy!

Bacon Vodka
makes up one pint

Fry up three strips of bacon.
Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit in the jar. Or you could go hog wild and just pile in a bunch of fried up bacon scraps. Optional: add crushed black peppercorns.
Fill the jar up with vodka. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks. That’s right- I didn’t refrigerate it.
At the end of the three week resting period, place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Strain out the fats through a coffee filter to yield a clear filtered pale yellow bacon vodka.

Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.

SWAT on Segways

Brilliant. Thank you Myra for this.

Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes

While trolling one of my favorite sites, Smitten Kitchen... I came across a delightful recipe too good to pass up. The Irish Car Bomb Cupcake. While mine don't look quite as ooey gooey good as her pictures, I added a little kick with a shot of whiskey in the chocolatey center.

Makes 20 to 24 cupcakes

For the Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes

1 cup stout (such as Guinness)
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
2/3 cup sour cream

Ganache Filling
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon Irish whiskey (or more)

Baileys Frosting
3 to 4 cups confections sugar
1 stick (1/2 cup or 4 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperatue
3 to 4 tablespoons Baileys (or milk, or heavy cream, or a combination thereof)

Special equipment: 1-inch round cookie cutter or an apple corer and a piping bag (though a plastic bag with the corner snipped off will also work)

Make the cupcakes: Preheat oven to 350°F. Line 24 cupcake cups with liners. Bring 1 cup stout and 1 cup butter to simmer in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and whisk until mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.

Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and 3/4 teaspoon salt in large bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and sour cream in another large bowl to blend. Add stout-chocolate mixture to egg mixture and beat just to combine. Add flour mixture and beat briefly on slow speed. Using rubber spatula, fold batter until completely combined. Divide batter among cupcake liners, filling them 2/3 to 3/4 of the way. Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, rotating them once front to back if your oven bakes unevenly, about 17 minutes. Cool cupcakes on a rack completely.

Make the filling: Chop the chocolate and transfer it to a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate. Let it sit for one minute and then stir until smooth. (If this has not sufficiently melted the chocolate, you can return it to a double-boiler to gently melt what remains. 20 seconds in the microwave, watching carefully, will also work.) Add the butter and whiskey (if you’re using it) and stir until combined.

Fill the cupcakes: Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped (the fridge will speed this along but you must stir it every 10 minutes). Meanwhile, using your 1-inch round cookie cutter or an apple corer, cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes. You want to go most of the way down the cupcake but not cut through the bottom — aim for 2/3 of the way. A slim spoon or grapefruit knife will help you get the center out. Those are your “tasters”. Put the ganache into a piping bag with a wide tip and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top.

Make the frosting: Whip the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, for several minutes. You want to get it very light and fluffy. Slowly add the powdered sugar, a few tablespoons at a time.

When the frosting looks thick enough to spread, drizzle in the Baileys (or milk) and whip it until combined. If this has made the frosting too thin (it shouldn’t, but just in case) beat in another spoonful or two of powdered sugar.

Ice and decorate the cupcakes.