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Friday, December 19, 2008

You are not invited to my party...

Because it is absolutely hilarious and should be enjoyed by all!

http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html

What are these things called Matchbooks?

After stumbling across these adorable Matchbooks on Cute Overload, I knew what my next art project was going to be... Matchbooks you say? Apparently Belinda had a hard time figuring out these devices, as it took me a good 10 minutes to try and explain it before she googled it instead.

Punkity
Happy Matchsticks
Ballerina Pink

Inspire Greatness

Preppy Kitty

A Sparkly Gift

Happiness

They can't be cultured or interesting or progressive because they're so hungry. Because of the government.

I have been negligent in my posting, this week has been an utter turmoil of craziness at work.

While reading my abundance of useless blogs hoping to find the next Diablo, I came across this brilliant blog from my *favorite* blogger...

Overheard in an Elevator

This brings me back to one of my new favorite books, THE HUNGER GAMES. (Punky I swear I'm making you a copy right now AS WE SPEAK) This was a delightful little tale of 14 year old kids murdering each other in order to survive a Battle Royale style game in a sci-fi world. I could write a captivating synopsis, describing the brutality and allusions to a communist/capitalist government, but really you're just better off reading it yourself.

And now for a complete non-sequitur...

A 2008 Benderspink Holiday Short

Enjoy!

Monday, December 15, 2008

New Years, Vacation & The Economic Crisis...

It's mind-boggling really, how do we balance our starving artist living with lavish parties and expensive vacations? I still constantly hear fellow Hollywood Asst-Listers talking up their Christmas Vacay's in the Caribbean and their New Years on the Vegas Strip and wonder how? How with our meager wages, our pb&j daily lunches and our constant staking out anywhere with Open Bar (Since we never make Happy Hour anyway) can these people afford to do these things?

Well I guess part of it comes back to the rule, to survive in Hollywood, one must have rich parents. And also I feel like the "stock hoarding and saving" gene somehow missed huge parts of our generation, the incredibly silly belief that we will always have jobs and opportunities, that our parents will always be there to bail us out, and that we can always charge it to the credit card thinking that one day we'll win the Lotto.

I know I do have to be thankful to my parents for instilling good habits from a young age, but I think it was already part of my character from early on. Every year at Halloween, I would go through my bags of candy and sort them into piles, the really good ones, the good ones and the OK ones... then without eating any of them, I would put them in bags and keep them to trade for favors down the road. I knew that having what other people want (i.e. candy/money) will always put you in the power position, and me, I liked being powerful.

So where does that put me? I now have to play the bad guy, spending Christmas at home instead of off on a fancy vacation... but in the long run, I'll have more than enough saved for that 7-day cruise to Cabo when the stock market has hit its crashing point.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Everyone has at least one crazy...

Some have a few more. Thursday night I got the chance to be reacquainted with one of my crazies...

Almost a year and a half ago at a Harvard Westlake event, I met (we shall call him Mr. Do Not Answer as I have no clue what his real name is) a seemingly harmless bumbling older Asian man who wanted to talk about careers in the entertainment industry etc. He was one of those kinds of people you politely talk to for 5 minutes while desperately scanning the room behind them looking for the perfect out. Unfortunately for me, my out was an In and he was asking for my number.

Now you're thinking, why not throw down a fake? Because my dear friends he'd apparently learned from all the fake numbers he'd gotten... Beware the boy who asks for your number so he can call your phone so you can have his. It's a surefire way to make sure you have a legit and not a fake.

Anyway, he gets saved in my phone as Weird Asian Do Not Answer... and of course Mr. DNA feels the need to call me SEVERAL times afterwards, not getting the hint that nope, don't really want to or need to talk to him again.

So Thursday night, I walk over to a group of people to say hi and introduce myself (it is a mixer after all) and I'm surprised when this small Asian man looks at me "Nicole Iizuka?" Yes I reply? He goes it's me (fill in a name _____) from the Harvard Westlake event?

I sheepishly reply, OMG I remember! I'm so sorry I lost my phone shortly after and have a new number, but wow great to see you, and look there's my friend at the bar with our shots that I MUST take right now, have a nice life.

Crisis avoided, at least this time.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

So this is how my boyfriend entertains himself at work...


Do a zoom in on the puppy to see how cute it is & how much it looks like you.. Auuuu - Sasha

G.E.T. the J.E.T.



punky you are the sunshine to my sadness! - niki

and you are the jet to my drunken co-pilotness - punky

******

can we pretend we have a jet tonight? - punky



Theory behind GET the JET is quite simple. It came from a time where we were allowed one boy per zip code, however had a major split between the 10010's and the 90067's... thus needing an easy mode of transportation. Save winning the lotto, doesn't look like we'll have the personal financing for our NetJets subscription, so it was up to us to find a nice sugar daddy, preferably one with a JET.

Myra, welcome, you're our newest initiated member, since I'm a little out of the game. Punky voted. You're in. Now... go GETtheJET.

Thank you.

When Steaks Grow Legs...

In talking to Myra we came up with a very accurate analogy to Melody and Men.

"It's like putting a juicy steak in front of a Hungry tiger... one that grows legs and runs."

Actually that's more of a "Game Girl" because that accomplishes exactly what a girl wants, a guy to chase after her. Melody's tigers are either not quite so hungry, or EXHAUSTED from the hunt.

I don't know why I have such a hard time accepting people who refuse to change. I guess it's always been my personal M.O. to do everything that terrifies me at least once, so even if I'm still scared (of heights) I can say I stood at the edge of a building an challenged death.

This kind of relates back to Brian and most of my previous boyfriends. (Good Luck Chuck #2) Brian was the perfect example of a boy with a ton of potential. He was a SHE'S THE ONE. Cute in a nerdy way, but with the right wardrobe makeover, he'd be a Clark Kent. Smart like no other, and sweet and most importantly, Innocent. Innocence was a blank slate ready to be written all over.

They were the fix up kinds of boyfriends, the ones that needed to see it in themselves that the reason they were still single was because they didn't DO anything about it. I know I saw it as my good deed to the world, polishing these rough stones into gems of good boyfriends. (and husbands apparently)

If this theory works for guys, why can't it work for girls? I think more of my problem comes from seeing my girlfriends as these super hot, smart and successful girls who have intense (and completely unfounded) self-confidence issues, and REALLY if that is the major issue, I have a hard time listening to their complaints. It's like the skinny girl complaining that she's fat.

I thought this was going to be a witty antic on the game theory behind "dog handling" but instead turned into a melodrama about stupid girls. Sorry.

Valet 101 – Entourage Style

Valet 101 – Entourage Style

From March 18, 2008

Good ways to get fired.
1. Don’t piss off Sunny Chen.
2. If you do piss off Sunny Chen, don’t piss off angry woman who had to drive her drunk ass friend an hour and a half because you screwed up.

Saturday night @ Orchid Lounge started off as innocently enough with drinks, singing & good times with friends. After getting thrown out (thanks to Dino & Uly) and tumbling downstairs to wait for our car “Penguin Style,” we were all ready for a warm bed. Unluckily for us, fate had something else in store…

After waiting for what seemed like forever, Sunny kindly checked in with the Valet on the status of our car. He gave her a confused look, seeing an empty spot where her key should have been hanging, and told us to wait a minute. Worried but still fairly calm, we waited. And waited… until finally a Smoky Grey (NOT BLACK) Prius pulls around the corner & stops in front of us.

“That’s not my car.”

What do Sunny Chen & Ari Gold have in common? Dyslexic Valet’s.

“How hard is it to read the numbers on my ticket & match them to the ticket on the fucking car?” to which the Valet responds, “It’s not my fault.”

Um, WHAT? Sunny then calls the Police, who tell her to wait outside @ the Valet for them to come by (again remember this is now 2:30AM in K-Town). We speak to the Orchid manager (who was super nice & helpful) who let us back inside to stay warm. After doing a little research, they are able to figure out that the Smoky Prius is a rental, which helps explain how someone took the wrong car by mistake, and we now have a name . Candy Apple or something equally cheesy (yes this girl was on Linked-In, but no, we couldn’t facebook her contact info.)

After a while of calling Avis to try and track her down (to no avail) our awesome new friend (Orchid manager) remembers that there was a party with a bunch of people visiting from Chicago in room # 17. A quick phone call later “What? OMG for reals?” and they’ve turned their car around and are driving the 45 minutes back to K-town.

Sunny’s boss starts emailing her (as it’s now 6AM in New York & he’s just starting his day) to which she responds, the Valet gave my car away, leave me alone. He replies “That only happens on Entourage.”

Finally at 4AM, (No cops ever showed up) Sunny’s BLACK Prius pulls up & out hops one very angry woman and her very drunk friend. We pull away rejoicing that her car is still in one piece as the Valet tells this other woman “It’s not my fault, you took the keys.”

Please get him fired Sunny.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Feed everyone.

"Making Beirut the central activity of an adult party is like preparing food for 1/3 of your dinner guests. Feed everyone. Play flip cup." ~ 20-Nothings

Reminder to self: Please please find out who runs the flip cup tournaments at El Guapo.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

20 Things to do before I turn 25

20 Things to do before I turn 25

1. Re-learn how to play tennis. (COMPLETED)
2. Go Skiing or Surfing. (COMPLETED)
3. Learn how to pay my taxes. (COMPLETED)
4. Sew a dress.
5. Ride a Segway.
6. Write a feature length screenplay.
7. See Plain White T's in concert (COMPLETED)
8. Have a spa day. (COMPLETED)
9. Work for a charity/good cause. (COMPLETED)
10. Learn a new language. (COMPLETED)
11. Read 100 books/screenplays (COMPLETED)
12. Attend an awards show party. (COMPLETED)
13. Take a dance class. (COMPLETED)
14. Blog. Regularly. (COMPLETED)
15. Go to Rockreation. (COMPLETED)
16. Invent something new. (COMPLETED)
17. Wear high heels for a day without complaining. (COMPLETED)
18. Go on a romantic vacation. (COMPLETED)
19. Learn how to make sushi. (COMPLETED)
20. Get a promotion. (COMPLETED)

Don't tell me you love me and act like you don't...

Monday Night. The perfect night for a rock concert, squeezing dildo's and upside down pizza. Thank you Myra and Punky for helping me cross out one more thing to do on my 20 before 25 list. (Slightly edited so it's actually do-able before the 25th doom...)

Plain White T's at the Roxy.

To think that I paid $50 for pit tickets to see them up close and personal at Staples (i.e. a million miles away, and we missed them) and here we go to a free concert with maybe 50 people in our own little venue. This was by far one of the coolest concerts I've been to... eerily close to Unwritten Law in a snowstorm...

So the night started out perfectly fine, waiting in line as not so sexy firefighters meandered back and forth, and the pimps and hos pulled up in a mini-van. When the doors opened, we figured an hour of DJing and then showtime. At hour 1.15, and two drinks in, we made Punkity find out that there was going to be no Hey There Delilah until 11PM.

Late. Late late late and with a girl who had class at 6:30AM and a sick girl, the only thing to tempt them was pizza. And 2 for 1 pizza at that. After a few messy slices and amusing pictures, Marvin showed up to join the party!

At this point the Geisha girls decided it would be a good idea to feed the bouncers, yet some of them were convinced that the boxes were upside down.

What do semi-drunk girls and one gay boy do after feeding? Why they go to Hustler and squeeze dildo's of course!

I feel that needs no explanation, but we managed to burn through 4 hours, 12 photo shoots, 2 pizza's and 15 dildo's in one night.

Love you all!

Monday, December 8, 2008

OMG I'm Dane Cook...

Or really more like Good Luck Niki.

Last night I got the SAVE THE DATE card (actually very cutely done passport & boarding ticket) for Max's upcoming nuptials... while I'm completely happy that he's found love (or at the very least someone who can stand his parents) I realized that I'm the girl before the girl who get's the ring.

First it was Neal. Neal, first love of my life Neal with whom I'd spent a summer talking about all of our regrets in a very Can't Hardly Wait montage, and one amazingly romantic last night in the backseat of his car watching the sunrise over Mulholland before he left for college. I was his first, and well his last as he went off to U Texas and met the love of his life, who he then married & is now a proud father.

Next was Brian. Well actually this one isn't as hard to comprehend. I like to help people. I've always liked to help people, and in walks Brian, an adorably cute and sweet guy who doesn't see it in himself that he should be a chick magnet. We dated, had fun my freshman year, but after his trial time I cut him loose on the world. Then a month later at a conference he met his perfect girl who he later confessed to me "I would never have had the courage or confidence to talk to her, had it not been for you, so Thank You." Makes sense that'd be the girl he'd marry.

Third was Kevin. And now Kevin doesn't actually fall into this category as he didn't go through with it, but he was totally ready to pop the Question to his girl before they broke up. He'd even started to look into trips to Hawaii for their romantic getaway.

And now? Max would make four.

I'm not bitter, or sad, or regretful. (Well that's a lie, I was really depressed over number one for a long time) I guess I kind of knew that I was the kind of girl who prepared guys to meet the love of their lives, and really I was just the right girl at the right time, not the right girl for all time.

And there's no worry with Sasha as he's already been married!

Friday, December 5, 2008

It was like putting homeless puppies in front of an animal rights activist.

I was in a weirdly generous mood when I agreed to help the NYU alumni group. I had been watching one too many re-runs of the OC, wishing I was a Junior Deb with my own Charity Event, when the allure of throwing parties for NYU called my name.

At first the selfish self-promotion side of me was like YES, I'll make contacts, have free booze, and be the queen bee with a built in following. The animal rights activist with the pedigree puppy and the red ribbon tied around it's neck.

But then, once I finally saw the dismal state the alumni group was in, my heart melted a little. Having never been in the position of not having a built in social network, it was always a little hard for me to understand or relate to someone who's from a small town, or completely new to LA with only one or two acquaintances to their name, but I realized that I could do something more. I could help really build a community.

What do all strays really need? A good shelter, with someone to feed them, wash them, to really take care of them. The structure was in place, but it was held together by tape and twigs. As a friend pointed out, it's hard to find volunteers to give people what they actually need, considering the people who generally have the time to volunteer aren't really the one's in touch with the demands of the population.

The first event I went to, they struggled to get 30 people to show up. The next one I threw, 80... and we're now at 260 for our Holiday party. Our numbers are growing and our mentorship program is getting wings. This is the start of something great. A Hotel for Dogs, if I were to be cliche.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Too much free time...

With things slowing down at work, due to the fact that most Hollywood executives are unable to focus with the hope of Open Bar Holiday parties and loose assistants loosing their morale in hopes of keeping a job through the Economic down-spiral and impending SAG strike, I've had time to find a few new obsessions.

First "Can I tell you something? If you were a booger, I'd pick you first." Noelle Hancock. This girl is awesome in so many ways. From her fascination with her gay parakeets, to her understanding of the true alcoholic, and her relevant pop culture references, Noelle offers a much needed escape from Nikki Finke and Peter Bart. Relating THE HILLS to the Electoral Race. Brilliance.

Second would be Jessie the blogger of 20-Nothings. She is a kindred soul.

"I'm more like super glue or maybe permafrost or, according to my test results, a rocket pointed in five directions with a strong sense of competitiveness but equal desire to help other rockets point themselves in multiple directions so long as they thank me with intimacy."

She singlehandedly explained in one entry, the whole theory behind being a great female PUA.
http://20-nothings.blogspot.com/2008/09/go-to-bar-alone.html

Third I go back to my favorites... Stuff Hollywood Assistants Like & Tucker Max, who always have new and interesting updates.

Then come the nonsense. The Boing Boing Gadgets, Cute Overload and Just Bento, filling me with cheer and happiness...

My friends will thank me later for sharing.